How do you talk to your kids about 9/11?

My oldest had just turned 2 years old, and we were in Seattle visiting my dad. Hubby was down in CA, and would be flying up to join us in a few days. Words to describe the helplessness and despair I felt that day, both as a parent, and as a citizen of the world, are still hard to come by. If anything good can come from the events that took place on September 11, 2001, I want to share with my children so that they can understand a little better the world in which they live. How to do that without putting fear or hatred in their hearts?

My little girl is now 9 years old. She is caring, compassionate, and like many kids her age, has a strong sense of what is right, or just. I've been searching the internet for ways to honor this day, in hopes of getting a discussion going with her, but resources are hard to come by. Seems like there was a lot more out there on the web a few years ago. Are we forgetting already?

I'm not a real "rah, rah" American, but 9/11 made me realize like nothing else ever had, that to the rest of the world, we are all Americans over here. I think it's a good idea to figure out just what that means. Many of the lesson plans online have children creating patriotic crafts to help build that national identity.

Many everyday people became heroes that day. Ordinary people did extraordinary things, and risked their lives for strangers. Others did what they could by raising money or donating to help out the victims and their families. Firefighters became a shining symbol of the great things we are capable of doing for one another in our everyday lives. Some lesson plans suggest writing thank yous to your local fire department, or baking cookies for them.

9/11 got many people in touch with Faith. Even I, the devout Floundering Whatever that I've been for nearly two decades now, felt the need to be in community with others seeking understanding of what had taken place. Specifically, I needed something bigger than myself to help ease my shattered peace and innocence, and I felt the need to experience that with other people around me. I went to a service with my grandmother at her Catholic church. For one afternoon during that disjointed week, I felt tethered to the world, and it gave me hope and compassion. It also gave me an adult memory of time spent with my grandma - a memory that wouldn't have been created without the events of that week. I want my kids to feel that connectedness - that they are part of something bigger than themselves, and that even the most tragic events in our lifetime cannot sever that thread.

How will you remember 9/11, and how will you help your kids to understand?

Education World Lesson Plans - Remembering 9/11

PBS, Newshour lesson plan (for older kids)

Teacher Vision lesson plan

A to Z Teacherstuff - lesson plans, especially for elementary age kids

Here's what we did...

First I asked if she had ever heard of 9/11. She thought it was some show on television, but she wasn't really sure.

I gave her background on where we were that day; what we saw on television; the emotions I was feeling, and about how parents want only to be able to keep their children safe... and on that day, and in the days that followed, I suddenly felt myself woefully ill-equipped for that task.

We took a look at pictures of the WTC from 9/11, taken while the towers were still standing (** highly recommend parents choose carefully the pictures they want to show their children BEFORE sitting down with them - there are a lot of deeply disturbing images that you don't want to stumble upon with them sitting right there). We made a list of national symbols (flag, White House, Statue of Liberty, the President), and I explained that the WTC was also a symbol that would stand out (due to its location, and size). How would you feel if someone intentionally destroyed something that was special to you?

We talked about how many people were suddenly feeling a deep sense of patriotism. We watched a video for the song God Bless the USA, which included some of the national symbols we had already discussed. Displaying US flags on your car became popular, and was a way that Americans could feel united at a time when we were all feeling very vulnerable.

We focused on ways that people overcome their feelings of fear and helplessness. Some did it by taking action (like making donations to help out victims of disaster, or joining the military). The government responded by trying to make travel more safe. Many people sought out places of worship, and joined in fellowship with those around them. And mostly we talked to one another, because talking about what scares you can sometimes make you feel a little better.

Lastly, I wanted to convey to her that fear can sometimes cause you to jump to the wrong conclusions and have poor judgment. A 9/11 lesson plan I found online talked about the movie Monsters, Inc. In the movie, the monsters are all scared to death of children, but two monsters come to learn than children are nothing to fear. We must be careful not to make decisions from a position of fear, or act on the basis of stereotypes.

I tried not to get too much into the huge loss of human life that took place on 9/11, and with the war that followed. Even without going into those details, she still had a lot to process. She understands that the WTC towers housed offices, and that there were people in the buildings, and that the towers eventually crumbled to the ground. We also talked about the heroes onboard flight 93, that ultimately went down over Pennsylvania in an attempt to avoid more loss of life. In the years ahead, I'm sure she'll eventually grasp the magnitude of what happened, and how the world forever changed that day, but for today I was happy with what we were able to discuss.

Don't play with your food

Andrew, singing during lunch today:

"The Fritos have given this land to us,
No need to fuss,
They know what they're doing.
We know that they will take care of us,
if we just follow them."

Veggie Tales fans everywhere are cringing at this very moment. I'm a bit taken aback myself!

We are specks.

Hey. Sorry I went MIA there momentarily. It's been a week of pretty much wanting to just find a rock to hide under. Times can get like that. During the last week or so I've found myself pondering God and religion, as one is apt to do during a time of crisis (this one specifically affects my sister and her sweet boy, and by extension the rest of us - it's the kind of family we are).

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I'm not a religious person. Not necessarily because I don't want to be, but more because I haven't found one that speaks to me and fits just right. I am a spiritual person - to me that's completely separate from religion. At any rate, over the course of the past week I've found myself in conversation with God more so than usual. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, and truth be told, I try not to ask for much - I don't like to set myself up for disappointment.

There are a some people in my life who seem to continuously get the short end of the stick. Life is incredibly unfair to these people, and repeatedly doles out really horrible life events that even if taken singularly would be completely life-altering, but taken together become all the more staggering. These are good, caring, kind, peaceful, compassionate people. I can't chalk their "bad luck" up to karma. I can't even chalk it up to a balance of good and bad within the course of each person's life because life has been a long series of financial, medical, and relationship events that have not gone in their favor. Maybe I'm wrong and their luck will turn around tomorrow, and the rest of their living days will be bliss (ie. balance out the first half of their lives). I'm a little sceptical of that scenario happening.

And there are folks in my life who pray for these individuals all the time - daily, for decades now. They are beginning to feel their faith shaken. "Why isn't God hearing our prayers?" they ask. Surely God wouldn't allow the same people to keep being dumped on, or bring fear and suffering upon small children, just to teach all of us a lesson about "letting go and letting God". Right? God doesn't try to test or grow faith at the expense of others, does He?

I just don't know. In times like this I feel so small. I feel microscopic in my place in the world. Maybe it isn't for us to comprehend. How can I possibly expect to have a grasp on the "whole" from my tiny little place on earth? I think most humans are doers and fixers, and we're compelled to find answers and make things right. There are some things just can't be fixed by mere mortals. It's a hopeless kind of feeling, and I think this is where people who do have a stronger faith are at an advantage. Right now I'm just too at odds with God. I don't want to just accept that I'm not supposed to be able to understand the way life works.

Pack your bags

I grew up a with a very sparse religious upbringing. Grandmothers did their part, and whisked us off to church when my sister and I would stay for a sleepover on a weekend. When I was middle school-age, My mom started us going to church on a slightly more regular basis. I remember the first time we went to our church was Easter Sunday, sixth grade.

I never liked church. For one thing, I always hated getting dressed up. As I got older, I rationalized that God should be pleased just to have me there - what one wears to worship God shouldn't make much of a difference, as long as you do it. I also felt painfully out of place in Sunday school and youth group. I didn't have enough of a background in the bible, or Christianity, to understand what was being talked about. I definitely felt like a sub-par Christian. Sometimes I still feel like I don't really understand what it means to be a Christian.

In college, I pursued a liberal arts education and became interested in ethnic and religious studies. I became bitter over the slaughter of innocent people, time and time again, done in the name of God or for the good of the Church. I completely turned away from organized religion, as I knew it. But still there remained a very strong, spiritual side to my being. I loved the Eastern religions that I studied. I think that what appealed to me is the responsibility one takes for one's own spiritual growth - less of the "group think" mentality. There's an open acknowledgment that everyone is in a different place on their spiritual journey, and taking the path that is right for them. And the eastern religions seem to embody peace with All around them. It just speaks to me.

Yet I still feel myself bound by the experiences of my youth. Recently N. has been asking questions about "who we are", ie: Are we Christians? I have trouble answering that question, which she means in the simplest way, as though she were merely asking: "Are we Americans?" (though I might take that to be just as loaded as the prior question, LOL). I've roughly outlined that Christians believe that Jesus is God, in human form (ie. the Son of God). I told her that me and her Daddy were raised in Christian homes, and that we celebrate Christmas and Easter, but not really in a Christian sense. And I told her that she may grow up to be Christian, or she might choose some other path.

I worry that I'm doing her (and eventually A.) a disservice by not providing them with any kind of path at all. At least I, as a child, was aware of some kind of sketchy path that I knew many of the important adults in my life were travelling down. I suppose that path is more akin to a freeway, and that I seem to spend a lot of time on side roads, but at least I know I can always find my way back to the freeway. I'm not good with freeway driving, but could probably do it if I had to (stick with the analogy, folks). With the kids, it's like we're raising them on a small island off the mainland. They know that the freeway exists because they've heard stories about it, but they can't quite imagine what a freeway would look like, and would have a difficult time ever getting there. I'm trying to figure out a way to pack up some of my spiritual baggage to give the kids a fair chance at growing up with a religious connection that can carry them through their lives. Whether they grow up to be freeway drivers, or meander on side roads shouldn't be a decision that their parents make for them, but leaving them the option to do either is something we owe to them.

Recently heard...

N. and I were standing in the kitchen the other day, when suddenly, the tack that was holding our calendar up fell out of the wall and the calendar fell to the ground. I commented that I really needed to take care of that.

N. commiserated with me (she has a calendar in her room that apparently suffers from the same problem), saying

"You know? I find that the Bi-ble... Is it the Bible, Mom?"

"Yes, dear." (really need to do something about their spiritual upbringing, or lack their of).

"I find that the Bible really helps."

I'm thinking, "huh"? What? She prays that the calendar won't fall down? Then it clicks - she uses the Bible to get the tack back into her wall!

My little lamb has already learned to use the Bible as a hammer. Literally. ;P